A Shitty Retrospect



Yet another morning came and Gerald woke up in a mesmerized panic with another young girl next to him, breathing low, as if sleeping on a raft, softly floating underneath a placid sun. He was her entire cosmos last night, and he was well aware that he fucked her better than anyone else had ever had, ever will—that is, unless he chose to keep this one close to him for all time; alright, for just a little while.
He’d better get dress and ready for work at I.V. Lumber, where he hated to work, but always imagined himself becoming manager there and somehow sleeping in a pile of his own shit in the office. Fuck the women; feces was his cock’s destination, but of course he couldn’t tell, who was this one, um…Lilly? Lisa? He couldn’t tell her this, she would think that he’s a freak. Well, maybe she already did, he had asked to suck on her asshole, and she happily returned a smile, turning around from the doggy position and said, “Yeah, baby, I want you to taste my shit. Suck it good.” He thought for a minute as he put his pants on, that this must have been a dream, but no, there was a little glob of fresh shit between her exposed little tits. Wow, he thought, maybe this is the one.
“I think I have found the girl that would do as Suzie used to do, and suck the shit out of my asshole.” He said to the room, smiling at his Dali poster. Them melting clocks never experienced the taste of dung, I bet, he thought in clever silence.
“What was that?” she said, her head rising first, her naked torso second. “You sound like you are going crazy. And why am I naked. You put something in my drink last night, huh? You freak. And what is this, shit? Oh, my God! Get me out of here!”
“Relax, it was just a little bit of GHB, baby.”
“GHB, Christ that shit fucks you up; you don’t remember anything. In fact, I bet you don’t even remember my name, huh? I bet you don’t even remember how old I am. I’m Lindy, and I’m only 18. My parents are probably having a fit right now. Get me out of here. Where am I anyway?”
“Eighteen, huh?” Gerald said, “Not bad, not bad at all, Gerry.”
“You are a self-centered prick, you know that? A fucking bastard. And I want to know how I can get back home,” she pleaded.
Gerald shook his head, and put on his I.V. lumber shirt, remarking silently on his nicely formed pecks and nice abdominal muscles. “Bitch, I met you down at the party in Fairbanks, brought you back here because you said that you wanted to, and even asked to be given something to….relax you a bit. That’s all.”
“Ok,” she said, “Just take me home. I live in Cederspoint. But first, I got to wash off this…..oh my God…shit off of my chest.”
“Hey, at least it is your own shit, ya know?”
“Fuck you,” she said as she walked over to the sink and washed off the dab of crap from between her perky tits. Her nipples were hard, and Gerald wanted to suck on them, even getting to taste some more of her shit. Then he wanted to ask her to suck the shit out of his ass. There was still time, and he had more of that nice drug in his dresser. Hmm…give her some orange juice?
“Sorry, let’s go, here’s your bra.”
So she got her shit together, and they left his apartment. “You know, you really weren’t that bad.” She said.
“I thought you couldn’t remember anything.”
“Well, I could a little. Not the shit part, but the rest of it. You’ve got a big cock, that’s for sure. It still hurts a little, but not that much since I was so relaxed. You know.”
“Thanks, now get in the fucking car.”
“Fine then, don’t take a compliment. I bet you don’t even remember when you met me.”
“No, not exactly. I remember you standing there with a beer in your hand and whispering to your friends about me and giggling—you know that typical young girl shit. Then you walked over to me, yes you walked over to me and asked me to take you somewhere, that is after we talked a bit about rabbits or something. I don’t know, I was stoned.”
“Damn right you were, Gerald, you were, and the scenario went something like this:…………..” she began as he started the car and pulled out of his parking spot, took a left on the Albert street and headed down that agonizing four mile stretch of road, with more stoplights than he could count.
“Well,” she continued, “first of all, you were smoking joint, so I knew that you were all fucked up, and you were holding a beer in your left hand. Standing around with a few friends, and you were talking about us. I could hear you laughing at us saying how “trapped in youthful naiveté” we were. Then you slapped your pal’s hand and whispered something in his ear. He gave you the thumbs up, and you headed over to me, that is, after you smoked some more of that pot or whatever it was you were smoking. I don’t like that stuff never had, it makes me sick and shit. Anyway, you came over to us, and we were just standing there all innocent and shit, just talking about the boys on the hockey team and how hot they were, and you came over to me and handed me a note. I opened it and read it and it said something about you should consider coming a back to my place tonight because I’ve got better beer and a whole lot of cool music and shit like that. It went on and on. Strange thing was it seemed like it was photo copied, yeah like there were multiple copies of the shit being passed around. Then you pulled out of a wad of cash. That made my mouth water, of course. Then you grabbed my ass. I liked and how you stuck your finger up my ass crack. It felt strange, but good. I asked my friends if they would mind going up. And then you said that it was only a one person invitation. I asked why’s that, you said because you only had a few spaces in your car, and one of your buddies wanted to come back to the place so it was “safe” and all. Whatever that meant, because it wasn’t, not at all. The shit that you did to me. Then you gave me that drink after kissing me for an hour. Well a few minutes because you had my shirt off in a few seconds. You are good. I’ll give you that. Then you smiled walked into the bedroom and got something, put in a drink and gave it to me. I drank it because I was stupid and shit. Speaking of shit. Christ, man, you ate MY CRAP! You are disgusting, and then you seemed so disappointed when I told you that I already had had my period. Like you wanted to taste that or something. Man how old are you?”
“Thirty four.” He said, eyes cringing as if in torture.
“Well, you are old, and I’ve only been with six guys.”
“Making you a slut.”
“Fuck you, Gerald, no you are the slut. You must have had sloppy, dirty sex with many girls, haven’t you? You are gross, and then you ate my crap. I wasn’t that fucked up and no I didn’t ask for the drugs, I was given them and accepted them because I’m dumb and young and wanted some cum. I guess I fell asleep after you humiliated me by fucking me by every position, and you thought it was funny when my pussy farted, and I hate that when that happens, but you think that it is funny and made me want to cry. You asked me to orgasm in your mouth. That was gross, but it was kind of fun, too. For some reason. And you had me taste my juices, I loved doing that, but I didn’t love tasting my anal snot. It was just disgusting. Gross. EWE! Take me home! Then again, ok, you are a pretty good kisser, and I love your cock, and I like your eyes, and I like the way you were kind of gentle with me. You are a nice guy, I guess. What am I saying? I don’t like you do I?”
“Seems like you do, we should go back to my place and have some more fun. Maybe take a bath together, wouldn’t that be fun?” Now Gerald was smiling as big as hell. His cock was swelling.”
“No, I don’t, and what are my parents going to think?”
“Well, you’d better call them and tell them where you are; I mean, no, you’re not with me, you’re at a friend’s house.”
“Ok, one of those girls I was with at the party? I don’t….well, ok, I do like you. Now please don’t ever tell anyone about this alright? I want to suck you dick. I’m horny again. You have never seen me when I’m really horny have you? I bet you haven’t.”
“Oh, man, this is going to be fun. We got to take a bath first. It will be nice and relaxing ok?” He said, as he turned the car around and headed back to the apartment. When he arrived at his apartment, he noticed that he had left the door open. Or maybe someone pried it open or some shit, because that is bizarre for him to completely forget to lock the door. Well, that must be what was going on, that he forgot to lock the door, because when he went inside, everything was normal, that is, normalcy pervaded in the manner of what Gerald knew as the usual. Oh well, let’s just get this bitch inside and show her my world, he thought.
“Come on in, baby,” he said as she nervously stood outside, staring up to the sky, as if in, what Gerald took to be prayer, but soon found out that she was noticing that it was starting to rain.
“It is raining.”
“Well, then get in here.”
“Ok, ok.”
“Think I’ll put on some music. Do you like the Velvet Underground?”
“Sure, I guess.”
Gerald walked over to his computer and searched for the desired music out of his extensive collection. The first song was, oddly, ‘herion’.
“You’ve never done a drug like that before?” he asked her with a solemn look on his usually grinning face.
“Nah, why would I.”
“Good answer.”
“So, let’s take a look inside my closet. And first, let me prepare you, it is some hard-core shit. Ok?”
“Sure, I’m ready.”
“For the real shit?”
“Yeah,” she said, hopping up and down like a bunny.
He took her hand and walked over to the closet, opened it, revealing strings of beads to conceal the inside treasure. He took his arm, and slowly opened the draping beads, and then turned on a light. What they both saw was glorious. It was the real shit. In fact it was shit. Shit spanning the arcane ages of the early nineties up till the two thousands. There were categories of shit: hard, semi-solid, wet, diarrhea type 1, diarrhea type 2, diarrhea type 3, medium thickness, thick, short and stumpy, long and loose. And several others. His eyes opened wide as he saw his collection up close and personal.
Lindy, of course was appalled, of course the bitch thought it was disgusting. Fuck it, he thought, we’ll get this bitch to like it.
“That’s…..woah…beyond gross….but..hmm…you know me..I’m up to trying anything, now what do you want me to do? Smell it. Tell me that is it. Smell it right?”
Gerald laughed, “No we gonna bathe in that shit.”
“Great, that sounds fun,” sardonically as hell she said.
“Now pick a few of the bags and we’ll mix them together and swim in ‘em. Ok?”
“Well, let me see. How about this one. This one. And um….this one….Now give them to me I want to break them over your head.”
“You know that I would enjoy that way too much, baby. Let’s get real, we can throw shit all around when we are submerged in it. Now why don’t you go and put some water in the bathtub, but first there is some vodka and orange juice on the table, have some please.”
“Don’t mind if I do, then maybe I’ll be a bit more relaxed to do this shit.”
Gerald took the requested bags of crap and walked over to the microwave where he heated them up, all the while Lindy drank a few shots of vodka and orange juice, with just a touch of GHB.
“Don’t drink too much of that.”
“But I need to be really drunk.”
“Well, ok,” he said with a smile.
She then walked over to the bathtub, humming ‘heroin’, turned on the faucet, and tested the water to see if it was warm enough. “Is this hot enough?” she asked Gerald.
“Hold on, cause that does matter quite a bit in this situation. The shit must be just the right temperature and the water must be just in a range which won’t make the shit evaporate too quickly. But it has to be just so hot that the steam made from the shit will smell with the perfect amount of shitty scent.”
“Ok, here.”
“Just right, me darling!”
“Great, now let me get naked……yeah….yeah!” and within seconds her shirt and bra were off, her little teenie titties bobbing up and down as she jumped like a bunny across the bathroom. Then her pants came off, revealing a nice shaven pussy. One of the pink kind, not like the Asian girls, you know, brown down there. Good ol’ Caucasian pussy.
“Yeah, you look really nice. Watch it now, you are getting um…drunk…”
“Feels like it!” she said, almost falling into the bathtub head first.
Gerald caught her, what a nice guy. Then, he walked over to the microwave and grabbed the bags of shit. He walked over to the tub, turned off the faucet and opened the sealed bags of shit, poured them gently into the tub, and giggled more like a school girl than the one laying on the floor.
“Ok, baby, let’s get in!”
“Yeah let’s do that!” she said, slurring her words.
“Ok, I’ll get in first.” And so Gerald took off his clothes, and dipped his foot into the water, before getting in the tub, then he took Lindy by the arms and lifted her up, placing her on top of his lap.
“Oh, this smells goooood!” she said.
“Damn right, especially when you are on so much…..never mind.”
“I don’t care what I’m on, but I should tell you that when we were driving back, I texted my parents saying where I was going.”
“You what!?”
“Yeah, so they should maybe come here and get me this afternoon.”
“Oh, Christ!” and with that mention of our Heavenly Savior, there was a knock upon the door.
“It is Lindy’s father. Open the fuck up. I want my daughter here. Fuck it, I’m going to open this damn door myself.” And he turned the knob, opened the already unlocked door, revealing his daughter sitting on top of some middle-aged dude, bathing in what appeared to be shit. Shit! “Are you serious?”
“Listen, I can explain,” Gerald said, even though he knew damn well he couldn’t ever explain this fetish, and doing it to someone’s daughter. Oh, man. He was really fucked.
Her father walked over to the bathtub, took a good whiff of the smell of the shit, and threw up in the toilet. “My daughter is all messed up. You are going to jail! You bastard!”
Just then, the other closet opened, and who came out but Officer Spicer. He had one hand on his gun, and the other stroking his nicely endowed naked cock. “He is already under arrest. I’ve got pictures. Oh man do I ever. He’s going to have to do some pretty interesting things to get out of incarceration. You, papa, on the other hand better just get the fuck out of here now! I have pictures of you fucking that old stripper, and I can show it to your wife, very, very easily. And I’ve even got your underwear, disgusting as that might sound, as evidence. Your daughter is coming with me as well.”
“The hell shit is! Fuck you, Spicer!”
That was when Officer Spicer pulled out his gun and directed Lindy’s father out the door where he was greeted by three other “officers of the law.” “You’re coming with me, daddy.”
“This is outrageous.”
Spicer looked out the door and said, “This world is outrageous.”
Lindy’s father was screaming and kicking as he was put into the cop car. All the while Gerald was hosing off and getting dressed.
Spicer walked back inside and went into the bathroom, “Now guys, don’t I get a turn? Why you always let the cops out of the fun?”
“I don’t like pigs, that’s why?”
“But you love shit, you know pigs roll around in their own shit. Maybe you are more of a pig than I am. Hey, dude, that bitch is still out cold, isn’t she? Let me have some access to that pussy.”
“First,” Gerald said, coughing to clear his throat, “Will you suck the shit out of my asshole?”
Spicer twirled the ends of his mustache, “I thought you’d never ask.”