Living well is the best revenge

Vivere bene è la miglior vendetta

There is always madness in love...

C'è sempre una pazzia per amore, ma c'è sempre qualche ragione anche la follia.

I love me muscles!

Xenophobic Conspiracy

About three days ago, I was sitting in my room, bored, with nothing to do aside from listen to the chorus of incessant persecuting voices mumble in my ear, and I thought that I would go down to the dollar store and grab  some cheap canned food. So, I put on my shoes, sweatshirt, and smoked a quick cigarette, then headed out the door. As I walked outside my house, I noticed that the sky looked as though it was crisscrossed by some strange formation of clouds, and I wondered if they were not in fact chem-trails of some sort. I had read about some conspiracy on the internet involving the government secretly polluting the sky with chemicals, and this looked exactly like the pictures that I had seen on various conspiracy websites. I had always been interested in conspiracy theories, and being the paranoiac that I am, I suppose my inclination towards the grand cabals, secret societies, shadow government, and of course alien, was inherent in my psychological makeup. I decided to take a quick picture with my cell phone of the aerial phenomenon above me. As I pulled out my phone, I saw a mysterious black car drive towards me, and a man got out. He was wearing dark sunglasses, and was about six foot six in height. I was shocked by his the enormity of this dude. I quickly walked over to me, and grabbed my phone, and said, “Excuse me, son, do you have any idea what you have just done?”

“No,” I said, shocked, “I don’t have a clue.”

“You,” he said, “have just committee a federal crime, and I am now going to have to take you to jail.”

“What?!” but before I had time to protest any further, he had me in hand-cuffs, and in the back of his car. What the hell was going on? He got in the car, and took me downtown, but not to the police station, but instead, he brought me to an abandoned house. He ordered me to get out of the car, and then escorted me inside, where he made me sit in a chair, and proceeded to interrogate me. He used various torcher methods, including whipping me with a bamboo rod, until I told him what he wanted me to tell him, that I was in fact an alien being from the Zeta Reticuli star system, with shape-shifting abilities, and then he let me go, but not until after he injected me with some kind of strange liquid, and took a hair and sperm sample. What the fuck is going on?

Welfare Fraud

A few days ago, when I was cleaning my front porch, which is part of my recovery house chore regimen, I found an EBT food-stamp receipt, which stated that someone had purchased a half liter bottle of orange juice for seven ninety nine. Wow, I thought, good to see that the state funded welfare program are allowing for such a luxurious lifestyle. This infuriated me, given that I do not receive food stamps or any other type of state funded assistance. I used to, but then under the threat of being reported for welfare fraud, I immediately reported to the assistance office that I was making fourteen hundred a month and no longer needed food stamp benefits.

                Then the other day, when I was riding home from work on the bus, a girl was covering her nose, and making snotty comments regarding the way that I smelled. I work at a restaurant, and come home every day smelling like a French fry. She was drinking a small container of orange juice. I wanted to say, “Hey, you see that orange juice that you are drinking?  Well you should take a good whiff of this grease, because if It wasn’t for me and the way that I smell, you would not have your orange juice, because I am unequivocally certain that you bought that with your food stamps, or your SSDI money.” But, I resisted, instead I just minded my own business, and sat in extreme irritation.

                It is this kind of ignorance that bothers me: people who think that they are entitled to something, when the rest of us have to work and provide for ourselves. So the next time you sit next to someone on the bus when they smell like they have been swimming in a deep fryer for eight hours, just be aware that if it wasn’t for them, the welfare programs wouldn’t be available for all the lazy individuals who don’t want to work for a living.